Relationship

Hi Folks,

For those of you who don’t know me yet, here’s a brief 1300 word explanation of what I’ve been through so far! I know this should be a 2 part blog, but as a Type A personality, I like getting all the info at once rather than having to wait until next week to read “part 2″ so here’s the whole thing.  I was diagnosed with TMJ around 1986, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue and IBS in 1996.  I have had symptoms from these disorders since I was 12 years old.  The TMJ was pretty severe and caused a lot of head aches and eventually affected my hands like arthritis would (my fingers drew up and I had difficulty bending or moving them) but there wasn’t a diagnosis or treatment back then. Same thing with the IBS, they treated me for an ulcer because my intestines were “too knotted up to see anything” when they did the scan!  You would have thought that the fact my intestines were knotted and spasmodic would have indicated a problem other than an ulcer!  The pain and fatigue of the FMS/CFS came and went until 1981 or 82 when the trigger points in my neck and shoulders kept my muscles so knotted up they felt like one solid rock and hurt all the time — still no diagnosis.  I would get the flu-like all over achiness whenever I didn’t get enough sleep but didn’t know why.  My pregnancies were difficult, I needed a lot more sleep than anyone else thought I needed and labor was excruciatingly painful, probably because I had FMS/CFS but since I hadn’t been diagnosed I was treated as if I was “over reacting” to the pain when in fact, my body was actually FEELING more pain than the average woman in labor.  My 2nd pregnancy was harder than my first. I thought it was because I was 8 years older but I now think it was because my FMS/CFS was getting worse.  I struggled to work and take care of my family.  I just didn’t seem to have as much energy as the other Mom’s which was frustrating for me and my family.  I knew that I wasn’t “lazy”, I just didn’t have the strength to do everything that “normal” people do.  My marriage was very stressful and my ex-husband and I split up in 1997.  The very hostile divorce created more stress and my FMS/CFS spiraled out of control.  By 1999, I had to quit work because the pain was so severe that I couldn’t walk.  I begged my Dr. for a prescription for an electric wheel chair so I could continue working, but she sent me to a physical therapist who refused to recommend one so the insurance wouldn’t pay for it and I didn’t have the $2500 to buy it.  She said if she approved an electric wheel chair for me I would never get out of it and since I had wobbled into the office on my own I should keep walking.  I was furious, as a single Mom at that point, I needed to support myself and my children but my knees and feet hurt too bad to walk or stand for more than just a few minutes so I had to quit work and apply for Social Security Disability. I was totally home bound for a year thanks to her “professional opinion”.  I went 5 months without any income awaiting disability income approval and had to go on food stamps — talk about humiliating!  I had been working since I was 15 years old, I was taught a strong work ethic — being penniless and on food stamps wasn’t supposed to be a part of my life!  By the way, I was approved by another physical therapist when I got to the point that I was having to crawl to the refrigerator and bathroom because I was in too much pain and too weak to walk.  10 years later, I’m using my wheel chair LESS because I’m not in as much pain.  So much for the first physical therapist’s “professional opinion”! Yes, I’m still mad at her, she cost me my job and a year of my kid’s lives because I couldn’t leave my house to attend any of their school or sporting events. And yes, all my dear friends, I know that forgiveness is part of my healing process and I still need to forgive that PT, but at this time thinking about it still makes me angry.  Continue Reading